Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ten Years On.

I was reunited with my natural mother, my half brother and half sister ten years ago. I have a lovely relationship with all of them and see them more often than I see my adoptive family. I find that spending time with them is easy and I don't feel the need to put on a face or behave a particular way. And yet I still feel the occasional twinge of "do they really like me?" and "am i just an unwanted hassle?" My nmum and I had our reunion on New Years Eve so we planned to have a 10th anniversary dinner. That afternoon, nmum called me and cancelled because she and her hubby were really sick with food poisoning. We left it that she would call me to reschedule. She still hasn't. We have emailed and texted a couple of times. A few weeks ago, my 2 year old son got hold of my mobile phone and called her and we laughed and said we should catch up soon. We still haven't.
I hope she is just busy, I hope I haven't done anything to annoy or upset her, but I just don't know. I get so tired of all this shit, so tired of wondering if I have said or done something, so tired of watching my p's and q's with my amum. so tired of being adopted. Before my reunion, I really didn't think that much about being adopted, but now that I know my natural family, it's like I can't not think about it. I really do wish that it had never happened.


  1. Understand this one! And then there's the hot potato, one of my faves!

  2. Thanks Von. I finally called her and we are having lunch in a week. She has been busy... sort of. I know that it is hard for her too and she never tells me which makes it hard for me to know what is going on. I also try not to burden her but I do tell her when I am feeling a bit adopted. So when we go for a long stretch like this I always wonder what is going on in her head.